Time

So I have been thinking about my relationship with time. I make the joke often that I have the most lax relationship with time of anyone you are likely to meet. But lately the old joke just doesn't seem as funny. Those who know me joke that it's a part of my charm. But I am not so sure that is how I wish to be charming.

I feel that it is something that I should be examine because it determines so many other aspects of my life. So here are my thoughts ...

I don't like the feeling of desperation that I have towards time related tasks. I am creative and wish to remain so. When creating, things often take much longer than you originally thought they would. I feel like I would be amputating a part of me by putting a deadline on my creativity. I want to be open to inspiration (which is on no man's timetable let me tell you). But I am not sure how to introduce time into my creativity (sounds like a great collection).

I also feel that I want to get the most from my time. I want to squeeze every last minute I can for all that it's worth. That only too often means driving like a maniac to arrive out of breath, half put together, and on screeching tires. That isn't quality time, let me tell you. Where did this desperation come from I wonder?

Too often my 'squeezing every drop' routine is on unimportant things, dare I say procrastination? Can it be classified as procrastination if I am avoiding my life at large because I don't know where to begin? My brain goes in so many directions that I can't decide - I want to do it all now!

I need to tame the monkey (to quote an old Buddhist saying). That's really accurate... my mind is like an untrained monkey. I think this a cry from my inner self to resume my neglected meditation practice (neglected because who wants to sit still and be quite when there is so much I could be doing?!!)

Time is the only equal in this world. We are not born with the same skin, money, abilities, opportunities, but we all have the same amount of time. I don't know where my feeling of 'lack' comes from in reference to time, but I desire to conquer this.


L.