It's called...."So What"

I went off to college with my story. My well rehearsed succinct little story about my life and my history. I had learned to tell it well, always dancing around the truth in such a way that I sounded discreet and stoic. The truth was that I wanted your pity and it was practiced and refined it to illicit just that.

"I came from the poor family with dysfunctional broken mom and abusive dad. They both told me that I would be great and would do great things. But they had absolutely no idea how or what, so nothing was ever specific, they were just saying that to make themselves feel better."

So off I went with my story. When I arrived at college and I started to get to know others, new friends and roommates, I learned that everyone else had a story too. I wasn't special because of my story, I was, as it turned out, more normal because of my story. As I was listening to a good friend of mine one day tell her story I thought to myself "Sounds familiar, I can't wait till she's finished to tell her all about how I understand because I've lived that too." Then the thought came "So what Laura! So what that you have a story too. This is not about one upping each other. Your story should never be used for that. It is not right to invalidate some one else's pain by cutting in with yours."

It was then that I stopped leading with my story. I stopped getting 'high' on the pity of others. It became about what I'd do with my story. The tone of the 'so what' changed. It was no longer a dismissal of my past, but a question of what comes next. It became the validation that my story did not end at unhappy childhood. I could choose the storyline. All I have to do is decide what the next line is.

I just read a blog entry by Kriss Carr about her spiritual journey and her struggles with that and it hit me... that is hat a story is for. It is not meant for pity and to perpetuate a life of suffering by reliving it daily. Your story is real and it continues daily. Your story should never be told as if it were already over. A story should always be true and honest and genuine, and be told for the purpose of uniting all in a common purpose of growth. And because we are all moving onward with our lives a story should always end with ellipses...