MILK for the fridge....

I just saw the new movie MILK... excellent. There was a scene that is stuck in my mind that lead to deep and important thoughts... I thought I'd share...

Harvey Milk (Sean Penn), on his first run for office, gets a hostile letter in the mail. It is a death threat written on lined notebook paper with stick figures detailing the wounds the author intends to inflict.... quite amateur looking, but a death threat none the less. When it arrives, his partner sees it and has a normal, fearful reaction wants to throw it away or show it to the authorities. But Harvey is unimpressed. His reaction is what stays with me...
He puts it on the fridge, like child's art. He says, "Don't lock it away in a drawer where it gets bigger and scarier, put it out where we can see it everyday, it can't scare us then."

I'm paraphrasing of course, but you get the gist.

I have been mulling over that for a few days. What is it in my life that is stuffed in a drawer that is getting bigger and scarier by the day? (The list, oh, the list!!! it could go on for days...) What is in my "scary drawer" that if I just too it out and looked at it would shrink back down to real size, not real x 16?

So I am setting out on a journey... to clean out the 'junk drawer' of my mind. With any luck this will have the effect of sunlight on a vampire... here's hoping. So for all of the scary things that I find, I intend to give each the appropriate accompanying juvenile drawing, each fit for the fridge. I want them all out, visible, silly and small ... not big and scary.

I'll keep you posted.

*gratitude

collage by: chasing after dear

I used to make resolutions. This year I just can't seem to find the courage or the energy to make a list of things that will be forgotten by Valentine's Day. But one thing that I do every year, that does stay with me (and at times eerily so) is chose a word. A mantra, if you will...

Its about choosing something to aspire to or to learn about or to experience. I pick a word that seems to be everywhere, one with deep meaning for me at that time in my life. This year, I have chosen (drum roll please): Gratitude. Being happy and joyus in the smallest of things, and choosing to carry that with me and be light instead of taking on the weight of negativity.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by the past of late. My current beside read has identified what I am feeling as grieving. Nice thought to go into a new year with, lemme tell ya. The definition being: anytime that you feel loss (whether real or perceived) you go through a grieving period. The longer you wait before allowing that to happen, the longer and bigger the process. With that word of warning I have chosen to allow it now, because I don't know what will happen if it gets any bigger...

I took a look at some of my old journals the other day. I was looking back to see how much I had grown, spirituality, emotionally from then to now. But all I managed to do was to walk away shaking my head and needing an appointment for an hour on a couch!
My journals have been my spilling over place, the place that I dumped all of the garbage of my mind so that I could clear some space out for normal functioning. The safe haven for my confusion and anger - which is healthier than letting it boil and fester... eewww. But all that laves me with is a residue of anger and resentment and spite... It makes all of life taste like I have just eaten a zinc losenge... it all tastes like ten-penny nails.

So this year I am following Patti Digh's advice, I will write what I want to remember... and I want to remember all the glorious, wondrous things about my life.

It's no wonder that I feel crippled by my past, when all I have left of it is a detailed record of every disaster, large or small that I have ever encountered! Recounting crippling details is no longer my objective... I am writing the history that I want to read. Selective memory in the best possible way. All the juicy, sticky, messy, laugh til you fall down stuff that life is made of. Living life like eating a peach... That's what I want to find the next time I am feeling a bit nostalgic.

Heres to a life of peaches and cream.

*an ode to my camera

I've been thinking a lot about creativity lately. I am interested in the idea that we can hone our view... we can take what life deals us and color it.

We are creative beings... all of us. It is uniquely human to create; that is to express what is within us in a way unique to our perspective. We are innately drawn to a form or style of art that expresses each one of us. And renissance men and women are there to make us all feel inadequate... haha

I use many mediums for my creative outlet, but my favorite perhaps is photography, because of how beautiful and selective it is. You can choose what you wish to see, first in camera and then you get a second shot at it in editing.

First, choose your subject, check your settings, and then SNAP! you have an image. Now, the fun begins. You have already chosen what you wish to see...with or without the messiness that is life. And in the process you have chosen your tone. Your voice is primary to all other elements(true in all forms of art). Is it your intention to show your world as one filled with beautiful things and butterfly wings, or is it your desire to temper that sweetness with the sobering reality of truth. A camera cannot lie. It only records what you show it. As a journalist of life (if that is what you have chosen) it is your job to show life in all of its complicated ugliness, the beauty of a single small flower growning in the midst of a war zone or a mother loving her child in a time of famine. But as an artist (if that is what you have chosen), you get to choose to manipulate what you see until it speaks with your voice.

In fact, it is your job as a photographer is to control the chaos. Your pictures tell your story, and you must be very clear about the details of that story because, as you know... a picture is worth a thousand words, and if you leave too much ambiguity then who knows which thousand someone else will impose on your story. Be clear - edit. Be nothing if not intentional.

My favorite part of photography is perhaps the editing process. You have a beautiful image and a world of possibilities for what you can achieve with it. You can brighten it up and make it warmer and fuzzier or cool it down... it's all up to you. You can create your reality - only prettier (or softer, sharper or in black & white...)!

Life is full of ugly, messy, crude and rough details. When the ugliness of life threatens to overwhelm me, I am comforted by the thought that I can create what I choose to focus on. (literally and metephorically) I am the artist of my life... I am at once documenting it and manipulating it, but always creating. Forming what it is that I will choose to remember from this moment in time.

Beauty helps me to move forward, beyond the messy events and rough patches. With creativity we can take out all of the messy details and highlight the interesting and funny parts or embrace the ugly,the harmful and the injust- so as to not recreate it.

We are always choosing our focus. Constantly editing.

It is only when we have set our intention that we can make sense of what we see.

Then we have something we can build on.

Book Shelf

As the year draws to a close I am reflecting and thinking of how much I have evolved over this past year... and any thought about growth and evolution always comes back to books for me. So as I pinder, I'll share my list of favorites... the ones that have really made an impact on my life.

All time favs:

Eat~Pray~ Love : Elizabeth Gilbert

Conversations with God : Neale Donald Walsh

(I've only read book one of three)

A New Earth : Eckhardt Tolle

Harmonic Wealth : James Arthur Ray

Finding Your Own North Star : Martha Beck

Childhood Reads:

Anne of Green Gables : Lucy Maude Montgomery

(I read and still own the enitre collection and love to watch the movies every autumn)

Black Beauty : Anna Sewell

The Chronicles of Narnia Series : C.S.Lewis

Bookclub Reads:

The Audacity of Hope : Barack Obama

Tipping Point: Malcome Gladwell

Blink: Malcome Gladwell

Creative Reads:

37 days : Patti Digh

Spilling Out : Sabrina Ward Harrison

Live Out Loud : Keri Smith

The Creative Habit : Twyla Tharp

How to Think Like Leondaro Divinci :

The 12 Habits of Highly Creative Women :

These are a few of my favorites in the categories I have put them in. These are the ones that I refer back to from time to time. I think it's nice to do that, kinda brush up on what you know. I am overrun by books awaiting my time, my "To Read" list is ever growing. I suggest and recommend these titles to friends all the time and so I recommend them all to you. And if you have any suggestions for things that I might like, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear it!

L.

Ramblings

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that said:

"No matter how great you think that Jesus is, he's even greater." Like we need the reminder.
It seems like our society (maybe even humanity in general) has a tendancy to focus on the person and forget entirely about the point!

For some reason that triggered a thought about a sentiment that I have heard a few times by different people that is summed up by saying:

In this important election I want to vote for someone who is smarter than me! I am not interested in someone that I can relate to! This election is so much bigger than that.

So is that our problem? The spoiled nation that we are... Do we reduce every thing and every one down to something with which we can relate? Isn't that the wrong way to look through the binoculars? Shouldn't we be aspiring above and beyond?

Melancholia

Do you ever feel like this?

I have been feeling restless lately. The world looks is foggy and everything feels wrong. I am moody (with an emphasis on the mood cranky). Not to mention I am hormonal. Simply put, I am just not myself.

I have not been meditating, practicing yoga, reading or listening to anything spiritual in weeks. I feel such a disconnect from my true self and my source. I am begining to realize just how important that connection is for my wellbeing. I don't just have an abstract idea, I am feeling the full weight of being adrift ~ or should I say sunk?

I long for the enjoyment of the banter and conversation of friends on the same wavelength. I miss the truth and honesty of a friend giving their oppinion or insight in a deep discussion. I am hungry for intellectual conversation on things other than the current political election.

I am feeling seasick from floating on a sea of insecurity and self doubt. I have been floating in a venrable Dead Sea of inaction, bouyed by the salt of tears falling from my soul, longing for the day that I will begin.

Heal{th} part deux

You may be wondering what has been happening since this post. So I thought I share an update since that post was four months ago. I am happy to report some successes! Here is the framework of the plan along with the corresponding news:

Laura's slim down plan:
30 days: April 13 - May 13 (August 13th and I am still going strong. This has deffinately been a lifestyle change)
Support:Co-workers (Everyone in my life has been amazingly supportive! Thanks guys and gals, it really means a lot to me !)
Goal: To make lifestyle changes that lead to a loss of 5 inches (from anywhere) and hopefully 7 -10 pounds along the way. Keeping the idea of balance in mind I feel that I am incorporating easy everyday habits that will add up to great results. (I have meany new habits, and a few I am still striving for... as for weight loss - 20!! I haven't measured lately, but I am now almost two pants sizes smaller.)

My personal approach is two pronged: In the Kitchen & Activities. I know that nutrition is key to good health and so is fitness. I also know what doesn't work... plans of diets or workout schedules that I'll complain about more than actually follow. So this is a trade off of one bad habit for every good one.
The kitchen component:
~ Finish meals before 8pm vs. Binging at Midnight
I have a collegue that says this is the single thing that she changed and in six months she went from a size 12 to a size 4! I think that really says something.
Still struggling with this one. I am a night owl by nature, so my sleep schedule is never the same. Sleep is based on what time I have to get up in the a.m. Midnight and 2 a.m. is a loooong way from 8 p.m. I think I should re-evaluate my sleep schedule before beating myself for eating 5 hours after the last itme I ate (because it happens to be 1 a.m.!!)

~ Energy vs. Wheat
I am proud to say that I am gluten-free! And I am lovin' it!! If it weren't for Outback Steakhouse's Flourless "Chocolate Thunder from Down Under" I don't think that I could have made it. There are so many gluen free options that it's really more of a conscious choice than giving something up. (D'Allisandro's Pizza still has gluten and I still splurge once in a while, but it's rare, which is what makes it such a guilty pleasure.)

~ Green Tea vs. Coffee
I am coffee free for the most part. When I am really craving something rich and dark I go for a Chai Latte and Muddy Waters (my fav local coffee joint) or I drink Yogi Tea's Detox blend which is rich and dark and oh so good for you. Love It!!!
~ Eat Breakfast vs. Run> Starve> Binge
I did well in the begining, but this has faded. I find that this is also tied to my sleep cycle... If i am up late and decide to eat late, I am not hungry first thing and before I know it I am scrfing down high caloric foods at 3p.m. So I am discovering that sleep plays a large part in this whole balance thing.
~ Go Nutrients vs. No Nutrients
Incorporate more raw veggies into my meals. That was the goal... and I have done pretty well in my estimation. I got bored with the typical carrots, broccoli and califlower. So I branched out to butternut squash, sweet potatoe and zuchinni along with kale, snowpeas and whatever other random veggie that looks interesting. If you're gonna keep up with this - It's gotta stay interesting.

On to activities:
~ Bike Trip vs. Cellulite Trip
Not once. I was really looking forward to this one. But alas, the bike is still buried in that garage and outside the temperatures are breaking all time highs. Maybe September might be a better time to start an outdoor activity.
~ Getting sexy thin vs. Watching sexy thin
I have felt a shift in how I view my body. I have stopped comparing myself to the skinny - mini's that I see on T.V. (I watch less of it too) I am more grateful now for the parts that make up my body. I don't single them out and berate them anymore. I have become kinder to myself and I think my body has rewarded me with health, strenght and beauty.
~ Yoga vs. No-ga
Look up the yoga classes this month and put them on the calendar today! I love how I feel after yoga class (specifically body Fit at gold's gym its a combo of different practices). I should get back into what I love! I don't know why I have resistance to something that I love. It's a puzzle.
~ Walk the dog vs. Sit on the couch
I should be better. But it is difficult for me to walk poochie when it's a million degrees outside. Again, sleep... if I go to bed early (before midnight) then I can be up and alert to walk her early. Darn, that sleep thing again!
~ Meditation vs. Aggravation
My meditation has evolved... it has gone from a one hour eyes closed quite time to an untimed dialog with myself of my aspirations, intentions, and affirmations. I have a lot of irons in the fire and so quite meditation has been difficult for me to maintain. To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert "I refuse to let meditation be just another thing that I beat myself up for not doing right." I know my quiet practice will return when I need it to. The important thing is that I continue to be still an d make a connection to my Higher Self each day.

All in all I think that I have had a successful 5 months! Looking back to see where I could improve is something that I enjoy doing. Not as a way to find fault with myself, but as a way of honing my skills. I think the difference is crucial to success.


L.