life {re}balanced

MILK for the fridge....

2009-01-13T22:41:00.003-05:00

I just saw the new movie MILK... excellent. There was a scene that is stuck in my mind that lead to deep and important thoughts... I thought I'd share...

Harvey Milk (Sean Penn), on his first run for office, gets a hostile letter in the mail. It is a death threat written on lined notebook paper with stick figures detailing the wounds the author intends to inflict.... quite amateur looking, but a death threat none the less. When it arrives, his partner sees it and has a normal, fearful reaction wants to throw it away or show it to the authorities. But Harvey is unimpressed. His reaction is what stays with me...
He puts it on the fridge, like child's art. He says, "Don't lock it away in a drawer where it gets bigger and scarier, put it out where we can see it everyday, it can't scare us then."

I'm paraphrasing of course, but you get the gist.

I have been mulling over that for a few days. What is it in my life that is stuffed in a drawer that is getting bigger and scarier by the day? (The list, oh, the list!!! it could go on for days...) What is in my "scary drawer" that if I just too it out and looked at it would shrink back down to real size, not real x 16?

So I am setting out on a journey... to clean out the 'junk drawer' of my mind. With any luck this will have the effect of sunlight on a vampire... here's hoping. So for all of the scary things that I find, I intend to give each the appropriate accompanying juvenile drawing, each fit for the fridge. I want them all out, visible, silly and small ... not big and scary.

I'll keep you posted.

*gratitude

2009-01-05T10:08:00.007-05:00

collage by: chasing after dear

I used to make resolutions. This year I just can't seem to find the courage or the energy to make a list of things that will be forgotten by Valentine's Day. But one thing that I do every year, that does stay with me (and at times eerily so) is chose a word. A mantra, if you will...

Its about choosing something to aspire to or to learn about or to experience. I pick a word that seems to be everywhere, one with deep meaning for me at that time in my life. This year, I have chosen (drum roll please): Gratitude. Being happy and joyus in the smallest of things, and choosing to carry that with me and be light instead of taking on the weight of negativity.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by the past of late. My current beside read has identified what I am feeling as grieving. Nice thought to go into a new year with, lemme tell ya. The definition being: anytime that you feel loss (whether real or perceived) you go through a grieving period. The longer you wait before allowing that to happen, the longer and bigger the process. With that word of warning I have chosen to allow it now, because I don't know what will happen if it gets any bigger...

I took a look at some of my old journals the other day. I was looking back to see how much I had grown, spirituality, emotionally from then to now. But all I managed to do was to walk away shaking my head and needing an appointment for an hour on a couch!
My journals have been my spilling over place, the place that I dumped all of the garbage of my mind so that I could clear some space out for normal functioning. The safe haven for my confusion and anger - which is healthier than letting it boil and fester... eewww. But all that laves me with is a residue of anger and resentment and spite... It makes all of life taste like I have just eaten a zinc losenge... it all tastes like ten-penny nails.

So this year I am following Patti Digh's advice, I will write what I want to remember... and I want to remember all the glorious, wondrous things about my life.

It's no wonder that I feel crippled by my past, when all I have left of it is a detailed record of every disaster, large or small that I have ever encountered! Recounting crippling details is no longer my objective... I am writing the history that I want to read. Selective memory in the best possible way. All the juicy, sticky, messy, laugh til you fall down stuff that life is made of. Living life like eating a peach... That's what I want to find the next time I am feeling a bit nostalgic.

Heres to a life of peaches and cream.

*an ode to my camera

2009-01-01T21:58:00.009-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about creativity lately. I am interested in the idea that we can hone our view... we can take what life deals us and color it.

We are creative beings... all of us. It is uniquely human to create; that is to express what is within us in a way unique to our perspective. We are innately drawn to a form or style of art that expresses each one of us. And renissance men and women are there to make us all feel inadequate... haha

I use many mediums for my creative outlet, but my favorite perhaps is photography, because of how beautiful and selective it is. You can choose what you wish to see, first in camera and then you get a second shot at it in editing.

First, choose your subject, check your settings, and then SNAP! you have an image. Now, the fun begins. You have already chosen what you wish to see...with or without the messiness that is life. And in the process you have chosen your tone. Your voice is primary to all other elements(true in all forms of art). Is it your intention to show your world as one filled with beautiful things and butterfly wings, or is it your desire to temper that sweetness with the sobering reality of truth. A camera cannot lie. It only records what you show it. As a journalist of life (if that is what you have chosen) it is your job to show life in all of its complicated ugliness, the beauty of a single small flower growning in the midst of a war zone or a mother loving her child in a time of famine. But as an artist (if that is what you have chosen), you get to choose to manipulate what you see until it speaks with your voice.

In fact, it is your job as a photographer is to control the chaos. Your pictures tell your story, and you must be very clear about the details of that story because, as you know... a picture is worth a thousand words, and if you leave too much ambiguity then who knows which thousand someone else will impose on your story. Be clear - edit. Be nothing if not intentional.

My favorite part of photography is perhaps the editing process. You have a beautiful image and a world of possibilities for what you can achieve with it. You can brighten it up and make it warmer and fuzzier or cool it down... it's all up to you. You can create your reality - only prettier (or softer, sharper or in black & white...)!

Life is full of ugly, messy, crude and rough details. When the ugliness of life threatens to overwhelm me, I am comforted by the thought that I can create what I choose to focus on. (literally and metephorically) I am the artist of my life... I am at once documenting it and manipulating it, but always creating. Forming what it is that I will choose to remember from this moment in time.

Beauty helps me to move forward, beyond the messy events and rough patches. With creativity we can take out all of the messy details and highlight the interesting and funny parts or embrace the ugly,the harmful and the injust- so as to not recreate it.

We are always choosing our focus. Constantly editing.

It is only when we have set our intention that we can make sense of what we see.

Then we have something we can build on.

Book Shelf

2008-12-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

As the year draws to a close I am reflecting and thinking of how much I have evolved over this past year... and any thought about growth and evolution always comes back to books for me. So as I pinder, I'll share my list of favorites... the ones that have really made an impact on my life.

All time favs:

Eat~Pray~ Love : Elizabeth Gilbert

Conversations with God : Neale Donald Walsh

(I've only read book one of three)

A New Earth : Eckhardt Tolle

Harmonic Wealth : James Arthur Ray

Finding Your Own North Star : Martha Beck

Childhood Reads:

Anne of Green Gables : Lucy Maude Montgomery

(I read and still own the enitre collection and love to watch the movies every autumn)

Black Beauty : Anna Sewell

The Chronicles of Narnia Series : C.S.Lewis

Bookclub Reads:

The Audacity of Hope : Barack Obama

Tipping Point: Malcome Gladwell

Blink: Malcome Gladwell

Creative Reads:

37 days : Patti Digh

Spilling Out : Sabrina Ward Harrison

Live Out Loud : Keri Smith

The Creative Habit : Twyla Tharp

How to Think Like Leondaro Divinci :

The 12 Habits of Highly Creative Women :

These are a few of my favorites in the categories I have put them in. These are the ones that I refer back to from time to time. I think it's nice to do that, kinda brush up on what you know. I am overrun by books awaiting my time, my "To Read" list is ever growing. I suggest and recommend these titles to friends all the time and so I recommend them all to you. And if you have any suggestions for things that I might like, please leave a comment. I'd love to hear it!

Ramblings

2008-10-26T09:33:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that said:

"No matter how great you think that Jesus is, he's even greater." Like we need the reminder.
It seems like our society (maybe even humanity in general) has a tendancy to focus on the person and forget entirely about the point!

For some reason that triggered a thought about a sentiment that I have heard a few times by different people that is summed up by saying:

In this important election I want to vote for someone who is smarter than me! I am not interested in someone that I can relate to! This election is so much bigger than that.

So is that our problem? The spoiled nation that we are... Do we reduce every thing and every one down to something with which we can relate? Isn't that the wrong way to look through the binoculars? Shouldn't we be aspiring above and beyond?

Melancholia

2008-09-08T13:22:00.003-04:00

Do you ever feel like this?

I have been feeling restless lately. The world looks is foggy and everything feels wrong. I am moody (with an emphasis on the mood cranky). Not to mention I am hormonal. Simply put, I am just not myself.

I have not been meditating, practicing yoga, reading or listening to anything spiritual in weeks. I feel such a disconnect from my true self and my source. I am begining to realize just how important that connection is for my wellbeing. I don't just have an abstract idea, I am feeling the full weight of being adrift ~ or should I say sunk?

I long for the enjoyment of the banter and conversation of friends on the same wavelength. I miss the truth and honesty of a friend giving their oppinion or insight in a deep discussion. I am hungry for intellectual conversation on things other than the current political election.

I am feeling seasick from floating on a sea of insecurity and self doubt. I have been floating in a venrable Dead Sea of inaction, bouyed by the salt of tears falling from my soul, longing for the day that I will begin.

Heal{th} part deux

2008-08-13T08:00:00.004-04:00

You may be wondering what has been happening since this post. So I thought I share an update since that post was four months ago. I am happy to report some successes! Here is the framework of the plan along with the corresponding news:

Laura's slim down plan:
30 days: April 13 - May 13 (August 13th and I am still going strong. This has deffinately been a lifestyle change)
Support:Co-workers (Everyone in my life has been amazingly supportive! Thanks guys and gals, it really means a lot to me !)
Goal: To make lifestyle changes that lead to a loss of 5 inches (from anywhere) and hopefully 7 -10 pounds along the way. Keeping the idea of balance in mind I feel that I am incorporating easy everyday habits that will add up to great results. (I have meany new habits, and a few I am still striving for... as for weight loss - 20!! I haven't measured lately, but I am now almost two pants sizes smaller.)

My personal approach is two pronged: In the Kitchen & Activities. I know that nutrition is key to good health and so is fitness. I also know what doesn't work... plans of diets or workout schedules that I'll complain about more than actually follow. So this is a trade off of one bad habit for every good one.
The kitchen component:
~ Finish meals before 8pm vs. Binging at Midnight
I have a collegue that says this is the single thing that she changed and in six months she went from a size 12 to a size 4! I think that really says something.
Still struggling with this one. I am a night owl by nature, so my sleep schedule is never the same. Sleep is based on what time I have to get up in the a.m. Midnight and 2 a.m. is a loooong way from 8 p.m. I think I should re-evaluate my sleep schedule before beating myself for eating 5 hours after the last itme I ate (because it happens to be 1 a.m.!!)

~ Energy vs. Wheat
I am proud to say that I am gluten-free! And I am lovin' it!! If it weren't for Outback Steakhouse's Flourless "Chocolate Thunder from Down Under" I don't think that I could have made it. There are so many gluen free options that it's really more of a conscious choice than giving something up. (D'Allisandro's Pizza still has gluten and I still splurge once in a while, but it's rare, which is what makes it such a guilty pleasure.)

~ Green Tea vs. Coffee
I am coffee free for the most part. When I am really craving something rich and dark I go for a Chai Latte and Muddy Waters (my fav local coffee joint) or I drink Yogi Tea's Detox blend which is rich and dark and oh so good for you. Love It!!!
~ Eat Breakfast vs. Run> Starve> Binge
I did well in the begining, but this has faded. I find that this is also tied to my sleep cycle... If i am up late and decide to eat late, I am not hungry first thing and before I know it I am scrfing down high caloric foods at 3p.m. So I am discovering that sleep plays a large part in this whole balance thing.
~ Go Nutrients vs. No Nutrients
Incorporate more raw veggies into my meals. That was the goal... and I have done pretty well in my estimation. I got bored with the typical carrots, broccoli and califlower. So I branched out to butternut squash, sweet potatoe and zuchinni along with kale, snowpeas and whatever other random veggie that looks interesting. If you're gonna keep up with this - It's gotta stay interesting.

On to activities:
~ Bike Trip vs. Cellulite Trip
Not once. I was really looking forward to this one. But alas, the bike is still buried in that garage and outside the temperatures are breaking all time highs. Maybe September might be a better time to start an outdoor activity.
~ Getting sexy thin vs. Watching sexy thin
I have felt a shift in how I view my body. I have stopped comparing myself to the skinny - mini's that I see on T.V. (I watch less of it too) I am more grateful now for the parts that make up my body. I don't single them out and berate them anymore. I have become kinder to myself and I think my body has rewarded me with health, strenght and beauty.
~ Yoga vs. No-ga
Look up the yoga classes this month and put them on the calendar today! I love how I feel after yoga class (specifically body Fit at gold's gym its a combo of different practices). I should get back into what I love! I don't know why I have resistance to something that I love. It's a puzzle.
~ Walk the dog vs. Sit on the couch
I should be better. But it is difficult for me to walk poochie when it's a million degrees outside. Again, sleep... if I go to bed early (before midnight) then I can be up and alert to walk her early. Darn, that sleep thing again!
~ Meditation vs. Aggravation
My meditation has evolved... it has gone from a one hour eyes closed quite time to an untimed dialog with myself of my aspirations, intentions, and affirmations. I have a lot of irons in the fire and so quite meditation has been difficult for me to maintain. To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert "I refuse to let meditation be just another thing that I beat myself up for not doing right." I know my quiet practice will return when I need it to. The important thing is that I continue to be still an d make a connection to my Higher Self each day.

All in all I think that I have had a successful 5 months! Looking back to see where I could improve is something that I enjoy doing. Not as a way to find fault with myself, but as a way of honing my skills. I think the difference is crucial to success.

L.

Potential

2008-08-11T15:04:00.009-04:00

I recently purchased some paper. Not just any paper, scrapbooking paper. It is so pretty, with it's lovely patterns and rich hues. I was so excited to get it home and to do so many gorgeous things with it. But a funny thing happened... When I got home I set it aside and just stared at it. Then I remembered having a pile of untouched scrapbook paper. The realization made me think; Why is it that I have these beautiful components, but no beautiful product?

Reason:

I am addicted to potential (and afraid of what comes after that).

Clinging to potential is easier than to commit to an unknown outcome that could just as easily be a success as it could be a failure. The older I get the more I realize that those terms are relative at best and most often completely meaningless. What is a success and what is a failure? They are what I say they are. (look at Picasso - his confidence created a persona for his artwork to become a success) What's to stop me from saying that I am an unprecedented success? When I have the choice why would I choose to focus on a negative and bring it closer to myself? Why would I give failure one ounce of brain space? Puzzling. Why are we trained that way? To fear the unknown and therefore to assert that the worst case scenario is a certainty?!

Well no more. Potential need not be a pole I cling to for fear of actually accomplishing something (what there is to fear about that I am not sure, and when I figure it out I'll let you know). Potential is now, for me, an impetuous for achievement, creativity, and jumping feet first into the cool, refreshing waters of the unknown.

Image from Tinkering Ink

L.

Time

2008-08-07T12:50:00.003-04:00

So I have been thinking about my relationship with time. I make the joke often that I have the most lax relationship with time of anyone you are likely to meet. But lately the old joke just doesn't seem as funny. Those who know me joke that it's a part of my charm. But I am not so sure that is how I wish to be charming.

I feel that it is something that I should be examine because it determines so many other aspects of my life. So here are my thoughts ...

I don't like the feeling of desperation that I have towards time related tasks. I am creative and wish to remain so. When creating, things often take much longer than you originally thought they would. I feel like I would be amputating a part of me by putting a deadline on my creativity. I want to be open to inspiration (which is on no man's timetable let me tell you). But I am not sure how to introduce time into my creativity (sounds like a great collection).

I also feel that I want to get the most from my time. I want to squeeze every last minute I can for all that it's worth. That only too often means driving like a maniac to arrive out of breath, half put together, and on screeching tires. That isn't quality time, let me tell you. Where did this desperation come from I wonder?

Too often my 'squeezing every drop' routine is on unimportant things, dare I say procrastination? Can it be classified as procrastination if I am avoiding my life at large because I don't know where to begin? My brain goes in so many directions that I can't decide - I want to do it all now!

I need to tame the monkey (to quote an old Buddhist saying). That's really accurate... my mind is like an untrained monkey. I think this a cry from my inner self to resume my neglected meditation practice (neglected because who wants to sit still and be quite when there is so much I could be doing?!!)

Time is the only equal in this world. We are not born with the same skin, money, abilities, opportunities, but we all have the same amount of time. I don't know where my feeling of 'lack' comes from in reference to time, but I desire to conquer this.

L.

Bock Beautiful

2008-08-06T15:02:00.006-04:00

Downtown Charleston taken with Canon Rebel xti

I just discovered who I want to be when I grow up. I love seeing the work of other creative dynamos! It inspires me to want to do it myself. Today it just had the affect of drawing me in until I forgot what time it was! I have to go... but I just couldn't leave without sharing!

The Legacy

2008-08-04T18:27:00.007-04:00

Taken with my brand new Canon Rebel xti

A few weeks ago I unearthed a family treasure in my closet. My grandfather's camera. It had been packed away shrouded in sadness. He has been gone for almost six years. Before he got sick he promised that one day he would teach me to use the mysterious 35 mm film SLR camera. (This was before digital took over the world.) Life being as it so often is, he never did teach me how to use that camera.

As I began going through the lenses and supplies in the bag, I found some unused film. I instantly put it into the camera and snapped away until the roll was used up. As I began wielding the camera at everything familiar it was as if I became possessed. I now had another appendage, another hand or eye. I couldn't believe the feeling, it was as if I had always been meant to do this.

My grandfather and I are so much alike. We like to know everything about the subject that we are fixated on. Something takes over and we become obsessed. It could be making snowcones, but by golly we will learn the nuances of making a snowcone. And if you have a snowcone from us, you'll feel your life has been changed and you can never go back. It's just the method of how we approach things.

I am so happy to have such an affinity for a craft that he obviously found enthralling. It gives me just one more connection with him. I was innocently trolling Google last October when I stumbled across some blogs by a community of women on the opposite coast and I was hooked. I couldn't wait to have my own blog and to do everything that they did, and to have friendships like the had. A whole new world opened to me. One blog stood out to me. I instantly felt a connection with the author through her deep lyrical posts and through her stunning photography. It was after taking all of this in that I knew that I had to capture the beauty that I see in the world. I have always known that I see things others don't and am sad for them. Life is beautiful in all of its messiness and pain.
We can be and are more beautiful after life patina's us a bit; after then new is rubbed off. Then you can see our layers.

Back to School

2008-07-18T10:16:00.005-04:00

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

~ One of my favorite lines from 'You've Got Mail'

I plan to do precisely that. I have a canister full of school yellow #2 pencils with little pink erasers and I have been saving them for just such an occasion. I am going to sharpen them all in celebration of my news... I am going back to school. I'm off to the hallowed halls of knowledge. I sound like a dork, I know. I like taking notes and doing homework. I pride myself in knowing those weird facts that really aren't good for anything but garnering a laugh in an awkward life moment.

I will be 29 when I graduate. I will be a photographer with a diploma. Which might sound odd considering I am currently an interior designer with a business of my own. You might be wondering what I am doing ... and you'd be right to do so, because so am I. What am I doing throwing away all of the hard work and networking time and marketing on which I have spent so much money? Simple: Chapter 3.

I once asked a woman that I admire greatly how many lives she has lived. She thought for a moment and replied: seven. She proceeded to tell me all about her time in the Peace Corps in Afghanistan in the 70's, her time on the stage, and in the legislature of our state, now she is the director of a woman's development non-profit. I asked if she had ever been married before (I know her current husband) and she said dismissively, "Yes for a few years, but that was in my early twenties, so it doesn't count." I found that amusing. It all sounded so unbelievably adventurous and I couldn't help but wonder what my next adventure would be.

Who would you be without your story?

2008-05-26T15:13:00.006-04:00

Today I found the response to my last blog post. The Work of Byron Katie was brought to me. I no longer believe that I find anything, things that I need to know are revealed to me.

I have been on a spiritual quest for just over a year now. In this past year I have had a voratious appetite for any and all things spiritual. This path of discovery has been amazing! I have read things like, The Secret, Eat Pray Love, A New Earth, Harmonic Wealth, Thresholds of the Mind, A Course in Miracles, each one more amazing than the next! I am now reading the Sedona Method Workbook. I came across an article about releasing, and so I gobbled it right up. It was in this article that The Work was shown to me.

At the end it noted some other refrences to check out for further reading the first one was The Sedona Method . The next was EFT, I am a major proponent of the Emotional Freedom Technique. And finally, one that I had not yet heard of in all of my travels so far - The Work by Byron Katie.

The Work consists of four main questions and the turn around. What struck me the most is the question: Who would you be without your story? It blew me away!

The questions sort of dive off of the priciple that my mother taught me when I was a child; if you are pointing at someone else that there are three fingers pointing back at you. It was her way of trying to teach me that what's out there in the world really begins with you. I have continued that lesson with works like A New Earth. The teaching of A New Earth is that the mind must always be right. It creates a filter that only picks up on what you are choosing to focus on. The mind is not to be trusted. Then who is? The observer. The witness. Your Higher Conciousness.

You are not your thoughts, you are that which watches your thoughts. That is who you are without your story! That is who you are meant to be on this planet. You are an expression of the divine. Black cannot experience itself without white, bad is only bad in relation to good. It is in this way that God could not experience itself without you!!! You are here to experience the god within you! And you can only do that when you divorce yourself from the story that you have been hiding behind and practicing every day of your life... until today. You can begin to change today because, you are now aware. A bit of consciousness has arisen in you. You are not reading this by accident. You drew this to yourself. So I ask you...

Who are you without your story?

It's called...."So What"

2008-05-12T15:08:00.002-04:00

I went off to college with my story. My well rehearsed succinct little story about my life and my history. I had learned to tell it well, always dancing around the truth in such a way that I sounded discreet and stoic. The truth was that I wanted your pity and it was practiced and refined it to illicit just that.

"I came from the poor family with dysfunctional broken mom and abusive dad. They both told me that I would be great and would do great things. But they had absolutely no idea how or what, so nothing was ever specific, they were just saying that to make themselves feel better."

So off I went with my story. When I arrived at college and I started to get to know others, new friends and roommates, I learned that everyone else had a story too. I wasn't special because of my story, I was, as it turned out, more normal because of my story. As I was listening to a good friend of mine one day tell her story I thought to myself "Sounds familiar, I can't wait till she's finished to tell her all about how I understand because I've lived that too." Then the thought came "So what Laura! So what that you have a story too. This is not about one upping each other. Your story should never be used for that. It is not right to invalidate some one else's pain by cutting in with yours."

It was then that I stopped leading with my story. I stopped getting 'high' on the pity of others. It became about what I'd do with my story. The tone of the 'so what' changed. It was no longer a dismissal of my past, but a question of what comes next. It became the validation that my story did not end at unhappy childhood. I could choose the storyline. All I have to do is decide what the next line is.

I just read a blog entry by Kriss Carr about her spiritual journey and her struggles with that and it hit me... that is hat a story is for. It is not meant for pity and to perpetuate a life of suffering by reliving it daily. Your story is real and it continues daily. Your story should never be told as if it were already over. A story should always be true and honest and genuine, and be told for the purpose of uniting all in a common purpose of growth. And because we are all moving onward with our lives a story should always end with ellipses...

Balance vs. Harmony

2008-04-30T09:00:00.001-04:00

I think I may have to change the name of my blog.

I am on every self-help/wellness/manifesting mailing list you can imagine. So I was flooded with emails this week about a new book/program from one of my favorite gurus James Arthur Ray. They were all raving about his latest project "Harmonic Wealth". I read all the reviews, watched the news shows for his appearance and then zipped on over to Amazon to purchase it. Then I visited his new web-site http://www.harmonicwealth.com/ and wowsers! As much as I loved him before I love him that much more now. Oh yeah, the reason I feel I should change my blog name... He talks about balance and how it is bogus. Here's the set up : When you see a scale that is perfectly balanced, both sides are equal and .... there is no movement! Things are static not progressing. We can't live a static life. We need harmony. That's the idea that all things should have energy given to them regularly, but perfect balance is not what we are striving for - harmony is.

Just something to think about...

Rambling down a dead end path

2008-04-26T10:22:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to write, but had no topic in mind, so I chose an image and wrote from that. Enjoy my ramblings...

Don't you wish that all paths had signs letting us know what is ahead? Its only once we are well on our way that we realize the truth about our chosen path. By that time right or wrong makes no difference because... wherever you are -there you are. Fighting against it, arguing with it or screaming at it don't change what is. An interesting metephor is: if ever you are dropped into the middle of a raging rapid you quickly realize that swimming upstream is not an option, you have a serious prefrence against drowning, and going with the stream is really not what you want to be doing. So your only productive option is to swim toward the shore which is more of a slow deliberate process as you are still floating downstream. The same rules apply - it's not productive to fight against what is. You are moving along with what is every moment of your life. it is only by leveraging what is that you can maximise your energy out put to gain your desired outcome.

This sound remarkably like Abraham - Hicks now that I think about it. They talk about going downstream. A quote that I like from them : "When you are in hatred, follow it downstream, there you will find you anger and if you follow that downstream you will find your frustration, and further downstream your hurt will be and if you keep moving downstream there you will find your sadness and if you follow that downstream you will find your peace and then you can begin to allow what is." It's the idea that fighting against a thing only keeps it in your focus, but if you can begin to allow, then you can move beyond what is right in front of you to a better place.

Laura

{re}balance

2008-04-20T09:42:00.003-04:00

After being gluten free by choice for a week I had a hiccup in the plan. Yesterday I fell off the gluten free truck. Rookie mistake really. I went to a sporting event unprepared and hungry. I thought they'd have something I could eat. I saw hummus on the menu and thought yummy I'll take it! next thing I know it comes with toasted pita chips! I was already on my last nerve with B and I was on his about this new eating habits thing (this transition to no gluten seems to be harder on him than it has been on me!). I opted to not go back to the concession stand and trade it - I ate it... and an ice cream sandwich. I thought I'd go for the gusto if I was really fallin' off the wagon. Do it right is my motto. The rest of the afternoon I was grumpy but I think that was more B than gluten. Had fun at a friends party last night and felt better after eating an entire dinner of organic and simply prepared yummy food with friends that share my philosophy - eat well. But even after all of that my stomach is angry with me this morning and my head is all foggy! I can't believe that such a small lapse would make me feel so crappy! So onward I go, a gluten free soldier, remembering the lessons learned in battle...

0:04:00

2008-04-19T10:49:00.008-04:00

I just heard the new Madonna song 4 minutes. Am I crazy or is this the most awesome song?

I don't think that Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland set out to write the theme song for manifestation, but they did!

Lyrics:
If you want it
You already got it
If you thought it
It better be what you want
If you feel it
It must be real
Just say the word and
imma give you what you want
I only got 4 minutes to save the world.

I'm hummin it...

"Cause that's all it takes Tony, is four minutes a day to great abs!"

Laura

{balance}

2008-04-18T10:30:00.002-04:00

"family skipping" taken by boho girl

So I am addicted to this blog that I found by Christine Kane. I love the idea of her post entitled "you say you want a resolution". I have done this in the past, a few years ago my word was choice. Which was profound for me, as I was raised in the "be seen and not heard, do what you are told and don't talk back" tradition. So making my own choices was and is still a bit of a challenge. I read the book Choices by Alexandra Stoddard and that's when it really stuck: I have power over my life and it is only by being proactive with my choices that I can retain that power. If I put things off and do not face reality then I am allowing something outside of me control my life by proxy. That year was really a time of growth for me.

I think that we can all guess what my word of this year is... balance. I felt so far out of balance for so long that I thought that to be the norm. I think that balance is really a key word because all other choices need to be made from a place of balance within you. It's a sort of yardstick to measure your decisions. If you are faced with a choice and the answer you immediately come to feels like it will pull you too far in one direction then you can know that there is another choice for you. The ideal is a win -win for everyone concerned. I believe that is possible if we are conscious of our needs and the needs of others when making these decisions.

For example:
A priority for you is to spend quality family time regularly throughout the week. Another priority for you is that you exemplify to your children the value of community service.
You are invited to be the Chairperson for a charity event (good to show the kids service) but it will require three of your nights with your family each week (not good for the family time quotient) for three months. So what do you do? Say yes or say no?

I am suggesting that creativity be mixed into the equation in the effort to find balance.

You could say yes, but you suggest a co-chair to share some of the responsibility so that you have more time with your family. You could say yes and invite your 12 yr old daughter along to shadow you at least one night per week to get a first hand glimpse of your values in action then have good conversation while on the way home.

There are a variety of ways to approach it that help each of us in our own way to strike a balance between our values, our priorities and our real lives. If we take the time to be conscious of our choices we will realize that there are many ways to approach the world and make it work for us.

L.

Tax Day

2008-04-15T11:09:00.008-04:00

So today's the big day - TAX DAY. Aspirin's best selling day I'm sure. It hurts just to think about it. We pay a little bit every week and then we have a deadline each year to balance out and to pay up.

What else is taxing us all year? We don't have a day set aside that we reconcile all of our emotional taxes, we just keep paying in. Some of us pay in way to much and we deserve a rebate that will never come until we balance the books. Others don't pay in nearly enough so we wind up owing ourselves big time. Just like an outstanding IRS bill it will come due in a very big way.

Why is it that we just keep letting accrue? If it's anything like why we dread tax time each year, it's the fear that we will end up owing something that we don't want to pay. But the difference is that when we balance our emotional bank accounts it always pays us back in big ways.

So take some time today to set a date. A date that you will spend some time alone crunching the numbers. How much time are you giving to others in a healthy way, how much of that time is not healthy for anyone? How much time do you give to the expansion of your soul doing the things that you love and that bring you back into balance? Take a day to pay them off. Give time to a loved one that you have neglected or take some time for yourself if you have been giving too much. Make note of the numbers and see if you can balance the books more often for next year.

the eye of god

2008-04-14T08:45:00.001-04:00

pic from the Hubbel telescope of a nebula dubbed 'the eye of god'

I love this picture! It is so amazing to think that their are such beautiful and wonderous things in our world that we are only just beginning to discover. I believe that we are made of the stuff of stars. On that logic we are all amazing and wonderous and beautiful! Look! We are from that!!! Meditate on that for a moment.

Heal{th}

2008-04-12T13:00:00.000-04:00

Laura's slim down plan:
30 days: April 13 - May 13
Support: Co-workers
Goal: To make lifestyle changes that lead to a loss of 5 inches (from anywhere) and hopefully 7 -10 pounds along the way. Keeping the idea of balance in mind I feel that I am incorporating easy everyday habits that will add up to great results.

My personal approach is two pronged: In the kitchen and Activities. I know that nutrition is key to good health and so is fitness. I also know what doesn't work... plans of diets or workout schedules that I'll complain about more than actually follow. So this is a trade off of one bad habit for every good one.

The kitchen component:

~ Finish meals before 8pm vs. Binging at Midnight
I have a collegue that says this is the single thing that she changed and in six months she went from a size 12 to a size 4! I think that really says something.

~ Energy vs. Wheat
On the recommendation of a friend who has cut wheat out of her diet and says she feels soooo much better for it. It's not about the carbs thing its about the gluten which is like glue in your bloodstream> slowing oxygen > making you feel sluggish. This is going to be a 30 day experiment to see how I feel and if I feel it is something that I should continue.

~ Green Tea vs. Coffee
Green Tea is so good for us on so many levels! I am looking at it from an anti-oxident perspective, but I have heard of GT being looked at in weightloss studies. And coffee (specifically caffine) is an inflamitory, so out it goes!

~ Eat Breakfast vs. Run> Starve> Binge
A hardy breakfast full of sustaining protein will help with sugar cravings and keep me from wanting to pig out at night when I usually get the urge. Limiting (not cutting out entirely) fruit in the mornings should help keep my cravings for sweets down to a minimum.

~ Go Nutrients vs. No Nutrients
Incorporate more raw veggies into my meals. I do like raw veggies, but I often flake when it comes to meal prep and I wind up getting frozen veggies and I cook them. I know that I need to be eating things as close to their original state as possible to gain the most benefit and so I am making this a focus.

On to activities:

~ Bike Trip vs. Cellulite Trip
I have a beautiful neighborhood and a great bike, lets shake things up by going for a bike ride at least three times per week. For my 30 day experiment that's 12 trips. Totally doable!

~ Getting sexy thin vs. Watching sexy thin
I like TV. I do. I am usually so brain dead at the end of the day I sit on the couch eating movie food (a fav in my house). Basically I work on getting fat everyday - diligently! But I plan to change all of that. I am moving the coffee table out of the way... making room for push ups and crunches and stretches! Every commercial I have to do a set of something. Its a start.

~ Yoga vs. No-ga
Look up the yoga classes this month and put them on the calendar today! I love how i feel after yoga class (specifically bodyFit at gold's gym its a combo of different practices). I should get back into what I love!

~ Walk the dog vs. Sit on the couch
No not the yo-yo trick, actually walk the dog. I feel like such a bad puppy mommy. I usually just let her out into the back yard for her exercise. She is frustrating to walk because she want to stop and smell everything! But I am putting it on my list, not for the aerobic exercise (that I know I'll never get with her) but for the connection with another living thing and the connection to nature.

~ Meditation vs. Aggravation
I love meditation. I am a habitual person. But it seems that anytime I have a disruption to my daily schedule I have a difficult time bouncing back. So after a series of schedule adjustments I am putting meditation back into daily rotation - where it belongs. I feel so much calmer when I am in a regular practice of meditation. 1 hour per day.

Left hand: 8 W G B R

Right hand: B F Y D M

I'm going to put the initials on my hand to remind me to incorporate these things into my daily life. I think that these are all doable and I have done them all sporadically for a very long time. I think that by combining things that work I can maximise the benefit of each.

I'll keep you posted along the way! Success or failure... you'll see it all here!

L.

{Vision} Boards

2008-04-11T15:29:00.001-04:00

I just found this in my ramblings and I just had to share it! It is a blog by a pretty cool chic about Vision Boards. I have dabbled with the idea and half started one, but have not fully explored the idea. Anyone with me? I'd love to share the experience with someone.

I have to run I have been sucked into this realm of blogging and I have to go out and do things in the real world. More on the topic of Vision Boards later...

L.

That's Ms.CrazySexyCancer to you

2008-04-11T09:35:00.000-04:00

Pam, Sarah,Kris and Me

Kris came to town a few weeks ago for the Jivamukti opening downtown, and I had the good fortune to go to see her speak. She is the picture of wellness. And that is precisely her message - wellness. The icon of balance, really. She had a major wake up call when she was diagnosed with cancer and is sharing what she learned and is learning out of that. She has touched so many people and has started such a revolution of wellness and healing that it has exploded into a web community. The website crazysexycancer has spilled over into a blog and webforum for people to get information, connect and share about the wellness and health of our bodies, our spirits and our planet. Its really quite amazing. I think it is the perfect resource for me at this time to get the information that I need to come back into alignment. So off I go on my Crazy Sexy Journey!

L.

life {re}balanced

2008-04-10T14:06:00.000-04:00

This is an outpouring of my journey through this life. I have chosen to do this online because I have been inspired by others courage and bravery to share themselves online. being honest and candid is the only way that I can think of to be.

health {re}balanced
HEAL is the base of HEALth. I have a relationship with food that is broken and I am setting out to heal it ~ mentally and in practice. Focusing on health and not on loosing a few pounds or inches is my approach to rebalancing my life. I know that balance means letting go of something to gain another. I will gladly give up a few pounds to gain energy and well-being.

spirituality {re}balanced
I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and not humans having a spiritual experience. We are made of the stuff the stars are made of! We are energy!! I am beginning to experience the world from this perspective. I am excited to see what comes out of my exploration of this part of me.

exercise {re}balanced
A component of health is strength. From the perspective of balance for a strong, healthy, well-tuned body the exchange is to put in time, energy, focus and connection. I think that last component is key... connection. One who will be successful is in tune with self and nature.

finances {re}balanced
This is one of the most interesting areas to view through the filter of balance. To receive you must give. To remain in balance look at everything that you reach for to see if its trade off is worth it. I am sure that looking at my current finances with the idea of balance is going to be revolutionary.

life {re}balanced
All components put together with the idea of Presence or Consciousness is the essence of a Life {re}Balanced.

L.